at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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