doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
