I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
