At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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