i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
