What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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