he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
