Non-Jews are for practice
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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