that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
