i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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