i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
