dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
