I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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