All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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