Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
