I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
