"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
