I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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