I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
