We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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