There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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