I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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