So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
