She said her name was "party"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
