whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
