it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
