He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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