It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
