You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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