she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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