I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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