I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
