next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
