If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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