I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
