haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
