Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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