Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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