69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
