apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
