That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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