Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize