A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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