You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
