I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
