Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
