I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
