I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
