You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
