first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
