Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
and you fell through a lawn chair
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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