Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
