oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
