Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
