Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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