Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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